I can't sleep again. It's not that I'm not tired; I am. I just have way too much on my mind right now, and when my brain goes into overdrive I'm pretty much powerless to stop it. I'm still trying to write that stupid essay for my Written Communications class. I'm supposed to read a description of my temperament (Idealist) and "describe and analyze how the results mirror my perceptions of myself". I can't explain the way I am. I just am.
How do I explain why I can't stand conflict of any kind, or why I'd rather sit in a darkened room watching James Dean movies, or that I have imaginary conversations with people who aren't there? I am not crazy, but I just might come off that way to someone who doesn't know me all that well. Especially someone like my instructor who, because this is an online class, I probably will never come face to face with. I don't relish the idea of people who don't know me making judgments based on what they hear without actually knowing me.
But, thinking about it that way, maybe it's just his way of trying to get to know me by the way I explain myself to him. This is not psychology, though. It's writing. I have not always shown a lot of my true nature to people because the less they know about what it takes to hurt me, the better. There aren't too many people I trust with my secrets, and even the ones that know them don't know all of them.
I'll write the essay and hope that it's satisfactory to what the instructor is looking for, both in form and content. After all, one of the traits of an Idealist is the need to please.
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